Thursday, 21 February 2013

The Perplexing non-adventures of Inspector Hercule Morose.

Just to give a quick preface to what this is. I'm hoping to start my own YouTube channel soon and have started writing an assortment of things from philosophical, educational, bibliographical and comedic little skits to try and experiment with what I think I enjoy the most. This is the intro to a comedic skit I started to put together today. I don't think, personally  that it quite hit the comedic vibe I wanted it to, was a little slow in its delivery and was a little base in its comedic roots. But I decided to post it on here on anyway for your perusal. Be sure to keep a tab on things for I will be posting some more stuff tomorrow hopefully.

Fade In


HERCULE, a 20 year old police detective with a rough complexion looks out over the park whilst smoking. He toys with the cigarette, momentarily looking at it.

Hercule tosses the cigarette to the floor aggressively, then spits.

He crushes the cigarette with his foot.

                   HERCULE (V.O.)
This goddamn city. I swear sometimes I wish I could shoot it stone cold dead and let it bleed. But it’s not that simple is it.

Hercule clenches his fists and places his hands on his side. He raises his hand and brushes it through his hair slowly as exasperation seems to grip his face. He rests his hands on the back of his head.

                   HERCULE (V.O.)
No. For every fucking guy which goes away, another twenty pop up in his place. Why do I care? Why do I even give a shit?

Hercule presses his hands to his temple, scrapes his hands down his face and interlinks his fingers into a praying pose.

          Do you know what I wish for?

Hercule looks over to his left as he stretches his arms out and looks sternly out.

Hercule’s accomplice PENNY is revealed. Penny is a normal looking 20 year old whose face looks very wearied. Penny raises her eyebrow and turns directly to Hercule in frustration.


I definitely know it’s something that I honestly don’t give one single shit about.

Hercule continues to stare out, seeming unaffected by Penny’s comment, as if he hasn’t paid any attention whatsoever.

I just wish there was a sense of justice in what we do.

Penny physically turns to Hercule and waves her hands at him.

Really? Really? Are you just trying to be obnoxious now.

Penny spins around and throws her hands in the air. He/She then turns around and bows their hands in Hercule’s direction

          Tell me Hercule.

Penny points her head to one side and covers her face in frustration.

If that even is your real fucking name.

Penny gets very close to Hercule and addresses him in a very confrontational position. Hercule doesn’t react to this and continues to stare out into the park.

Do you even know what we do? For I have massive, and I mean fucking colossal doubts that you have any idea what’s going on in the entire fucking world, let alone in what we bloody do.

Penny withdraws away from Hercule and begins to storm away before turning back and charging back at Hercule.

Penny grabs Hercule’s face and drags it towards her so that their gazes are fixed permanently onto each other. Hercule continues to looks vacant and doesn’t show any resistance to Penny’s aggression.

Hercule reaches into his pockets and is fumbling around for his cigarettes and lighter.

Do you even know what we do? I swear you have no idea about anything you unattractive nauseating little shit. We are not, I repeat we are not, the police. We are, I hope you’re paying attention, you mindless peckerhead, not the police. We never have been or will be.

Penny looks intensely at Hercule who stays perfectly still and doesn’t seem to have acknowledged anything she has said. Hercule finally manages to get his cigarette and lighter out and proceeds trying to light his cigarette up.

You getting this you fucker. We are Student Welfare officers. We don’t even deal with any of the shit you chat about. Yes? Are you getting this?

Penny realizes that Hercule is trying to light up the cigarette and that his attention has not been with her one single bit.

Penny proceeds to let go of Hercule’s face and stand back in astonishment.

She then slaps the cigarette out his hand and stamps on it.

Hercule looks down at the trodden cigarette slightly upset and shrugs.

Hercule turns back around to the park.

Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you, I don’t even know why I had to get paired up with up you. You are the most detestable little prick. I bet even now you’re not paying attention. Well I’ll tell you something…

Even as Penny continues to shout and swear at Hercule his V.O. starts to go over the top of her words until she is completely silent and we only see Penny’s mouth moving.

Penny flips her hands up and storms out muttering numerous profanities

Hercule faces out and looks out on the park with a wry smile on his face.

                   Hercule (V.O.)
I knew Penny had passion. Lots of it. I also knew that behind her crazy methods was a genius, perhaps the kind of genius which could even rival my own. Even so, I knew that we would one day make this town safe again, safe from the dirt and grime which lined it and safe from the poison which ran in its blood. Yes sir me and Penny would change this town. No doubt about it.

Fade out

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Philip_A_Bell for updates and other random things.

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