Saturday, 23 February 2013

Mesmer's Mist: The Electric Odyssey

The Mesmer's Mist is actually part of a song I decided to write the other day after being inspired by Alexander Pope's form of mock epic poetry. I'm hoping to write a whole album using this form of mock epic set in modern times which will be called the 'The Electric Odyssey'. I thought it would be interesting just post my attempt at using heroic couplets and to see how people respond to it.
A quick last note is that this song is incomplete and will have much more to it yet and I expect to rewrite it about 100 times yet!

Once, there was a child born
Into a violent broken home.
Lazarus, was this heroes name
And he would rise, to epic, uncharted fame.
Even if, the voices in the street
Kicked him about like a piece of meat:
His sword of words would arise
And make the thugs howl in cries,
“Lazarus, you fool don’t you see
The pointless nature of your folly.
You’re weak and no-one cares for you,
Why don’t you accept it as true”?

As Lazarus’ tears stained the grass
The thugs they began to amass:
Flexing their legs and readying their fists,
Lazarus prayed for mesmer’s mist
To descended and save him from certain doom.
Which as the seconds passed seemed to loom,
And propel him towards a gritty fate,
But then a light; not to late,
Beamed down from heavens and his prayer,
To release poor Lazarus from his nightmare.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Philip_A_Bell for updates and other random things

Thursday, 21 February 2013

The Perplexing non-adventures of Inspector Hercule Morose.

Just to give a quick preface to what this is. I'm hoping to start my own YouTube channel soon and have started writing an assortment of things from philosophical, educational, bibliographical and comedic little skits to try and experiment with what I think I enjoy the most. This is the intro to a comedic skit I started to put together today. I don't think, personally  that it quite hit the comedic vibe I wanted it to, was a little slow in its delivery and was a little base in its comedic roots. But I decided to post it on here on anyway for your perusal. Be sure to keep a tab on things for I will be posting some more stuff tomorrow hopefully.

Fade In


HERCULE, a 20 year old police detective with a rough complexion looks out over the park whilst smoking. He toys with the cigarette, momentarily looking at it.

Hercule tosses the cigarette to the floor aggressively, then spits.

He crushes the cigarette with his foot.

                   HERCULE (V.O.)
This goddamn city. I swear sometimes I wish I could shoot it stone cold dead and let it bleed. But it’s not that simple is it.

Hercule clenches his fists and places his hands on his side. He raises his hand and brushes it through his hair slowly as exasperation seems to grip his face. He rests his hands on the back of his head.

                   HERCULE (V.O.)
No. For every fucking guy which goes away, another twenty pop up in his place. Why do I care? Why do I even give a shit?

Hercule presses his hands to his temple, scrapes his hands down his face and interlinks his fingers into a praying pose.

          Do you know what I wish for?

Hercule looks over to his left as he stretches his arms out and looks sternly out.

Hercule’s accomplice PENNY is revealed. Penny is a normal looking 20 year old whose face looks very wearied. Penny raises her eyebrow and turns directly to Hercule in frustration.


I definitely know it’s something that I honestly don’t give one single shit about.

Hercule continues to stare out, seeming unaffected by Penny’s comment, as if he hasn’t paid any attention whatsoever.

I just wish there was a sense of justice in what we do.

Penny physically turns to Hercule and waves her hands at him.

Really? Really? Are you just trying to be obnoxious now.

Penny spins around and throws her hands in the air. He/She then turns around and bows their hands in Hercule’s direction

          Tell me Hercule.

Penny points her head to one side and covers her face in frustration.

If that even is your real fucking name.

Penny gets very close to Hercule and addresses him in a very confrontational position. Hercule doesn’t react to this and continues to stare out into the park.

Do you even know what we do? For I have massive, and I mean fucking colossal doubts that you have any idea what’s going on in the entire fucking world, let alone in what we bloody do.

Penny withdraws away from Hercule and begins to storm away before turning back and charging back at Hercule.

Penny grabs Hercule’s face and drags it towards her so that their gazes are fixed permanently onto each other. Hercule continues to looks vacant and doesn’t show any resistance to Penny’s aggression.

Hercule reaches into his pockets and is fumbling around for his cigarettes and lighter.

Do you even know what we do? I swear you have no idea about anything you unattractive nauseating little shit. We are not, I repeat we are not, the police. We are, I hope you’re paying attention, you mindless peckerhead, not the police. We never have been or will be.

Penny looks intensely at Hercule who stays perfectly still and doesn’t seem to have acknowledged anything she has said. Hercule finally manages to get his cigarette and lighter out and proceeds trying to light his cigarette up.

You getting this you fucker. We are Student Welfare officers. We don’t even deal with any of the shit you chat about. Yes? Are you getting this?

Penny realizes that Hercule is trying to light up the cigarette and that his attention has not been with her one single bit.

Penny proceeds to let go of Hercule’s face and stand back in astonishment.

She then slaps the cigarette out his hand and stamps on it.

Hercule looks down at the trodden cigarette slightly upset and shrugs.

Hercule turns back around to the park.

Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you, I don’t even know why I had to get paired up with up you. You are the most detestable little prick. I bet even now you’re not paying attention. Well I’ll tell you something…

Even as Penny continues to shout and swear at Hercule his V.O. starts to go over the top of her words until she is completely silent and we only see Penny’s mouth moving.

Penny flips her hands up and storms out muttering numerous profanities

Hercule faces out and looks out on the park with a wry smile on his face.

                   Hercule (V.O.)
I knew Penny had passion. Lots of it. I also knew that behind her crazy methods was a genius, perhaps the kind of genius which could even rival my own. Even so, I knew that we would one day make this town safe again, safe from the dirt and grime which lined it and safe from the poison which ran in its blood. Yes sir me and Penny would change this town. No doubt about it.

Fade out

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Philip_A_Bell for updates and other random things.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

How to Get Fired From Your Job in Four Easy Steps

So you have a job lined up and you have to give notice at work. Whatever will you do? I’ll tell you, get fired in four easy, yet spectacular steps.

Step 1- The Foundations:
For anyone aspiring to the lofty dreams getting fired you first of all need solid foundations. So get out your employee workbook, scan you contract and learn the system. What will get you fired? What’s the most effective and quickest to do it, whilst retaining your dignity? Then spend some time in deep meditation and extract your inner bad employee, for in the words of Sun Tzu, if you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. 

Step 2- Testing:
So you’re raring to go, now is the time for testing, to see what flaws could potentially disrupt your exit. Think of your plan as a large hadron collider, would they just fire particles at each other and hope the Higgs Boson appears immediately? No, they test on a smaller scale and build up to their data so that the final testing is precise. So remember, keep calm and imagine you’re an underground science facility.

Step 3- Let the Battle Commence:
Now you’re ready to get this bad boy on the road. Don’t be afraid of really dramatizing what you do and exaggerating every action. The more attention you draw to yourself the more pressure your boss will be under to fire you. Also think about your target audience, if you can get the office snitch to notice your inappropriate or downright lazy behavior then it’ll reach the top quicker. Just remember you want to leave with dignity so don’t get too carried away.

Step 4- Freedom:
So now you’re in the Boss’ office. Make sure you don’t remain passive and really get up in his grill. Occasionally question his judgment, maybe even slip in a comment about his flaws, nobody likes the truth. Remain on the offensive because this is a critical point where all your hard work could come undone. Then when he utters, “You’re Fired”, fling back your chair and walk out with some swagger, you’ve earned it.

Just a Quickie

So after what can only be described as an absolutely Super Saturday we are into a new week!
I didn't want to leave you in the dark about everything so I thought I would quickly tell you what is currently in the works and some things I'm hoping to release this week.
First of all I will definitely releasing, just after this, a comical little piece I wrote as an admission to a Writing Academy in the hope that I get entered into it. After the unprecedented success on my music review with Ilias I have ideas for music reviews in my head with one at least coming out this week. Finally I hope to release to you another poem; although when this will come to fruition I have no idea, but fingers crossed.
So a big thank you to you all and remember you can follow me on Twitter @Philip_A_Bell.

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